My Great jokes!

[Trzbiatowski]

Man "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man "Is this seat empty?"
Woman "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man "Your place or mine?"
Woman "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman "It's in the phone book."

Man "But I don't know your name."
Woman "That's in the phone book too."

[Trzbiatowski]

Man "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman "I'm a female impersonator."

Man "What sign were you born under?"
Woman "No Parking."

Man "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman "Do not Enter"

Man "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman "Unfertilized"

[Trzbiatowski]

Man "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man "I know how to please a woman."
Woman "Then please leave me alone."

Man "I want to give myself to you."
Woman "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

[Skyfreak]

[Trzbiatowski]

A rabbit goes into a bar and asks for a cheese toastie and a pint. He eats the toastie and drinks the pint, then leaves.

The next day he walks into the bar and asks for a ham toastie and a pint. He eats the toastie and drinks the pint, then leaves.

The following day the rabbit walks into the bar and asks for a cheese and ham toastie and a pint. He eats the toastie, drinks the pint, runs around the room for a bit then drops dead.

Oh dear says the bar-man, it looks like another case of mixin' me toasties

[Trzbiatowski]

This guy went to the doctor and said to him "Doctor....I don't know what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word HONDA".

"That's interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you think you could fart for me?" says the doctor.

The guy says "Sure." And sure enough, the doctor hears "HONDA".

After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy, the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say "HONDA." It is a completely out of this world medical condition.

Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man to a dentist. After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up the guys mouth and examining it.

The dentist says "A-haa!!!!....I have solved the problem."

The patient says "What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc".....

The dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."

The guy says "Yeah....so....What has that got to do with my farts?"

The dentist replies, "Cant you see??..... Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA"

[Trzbiatowski]

Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs all taste like shit!

[Trzbiatowski]

In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

[Trzbiatowski]

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his scratchings in your neck."

[Trzbiatowski]

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other,

"Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?"

The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts."

[Trzbiatowski]

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that !!!!

The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on, With her old wrinkled pair on show. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her Grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it just is not appropriate .....

The grandmother says, "Loosen up Sweetie. If you can shown off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

[Trzbiatowski]

Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in and caught his folks in The Act.

Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, Daddy agreed.

Johnny hopped on and Daddy started going to town. Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping.

Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

[goldinage]

no offense those were funny but you joined 2 days ago and your posts are higher than me so give it a rest unless its inportant!

[Trzbiatowski]

why should just as i am superior

[Trzbiatowski]

Q1: If you answered that by overtaking the second person you were first, you were absolutely wrong. If you overtake the second person and take his place, you are second.
Q2. Can you please explain how you can overtake the LAST person?
Q3 I'm afraid I answered 5000 to this question: I may have to ban myself from watching the programme. The correct answer is actually 4100. Check with your calculator.
Q4 Nunu? Nana? Nene? Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.

[jazzy]

well lets just say that with a bit of luck Trzbiatowski might just make mr spacely sick.....too sick to realise that when you've just battled and scored 4000 points you need to let out steam of pure adrenaline...but alas...he's gonna come for you Trzbiatowski !!!
Turiana

[Trzbiatowski]

Pig personality Quiz
FIRST, use a clean piece of paper.
On a blank piece of paper draw a pig.




Then scroll down and read the interpretation of your pig
Draw your pig first




And don't look at the next part until you are done.
It won't be fun if you look first.































The pig serves as a useful test of the personality traits of the artist.

If the pig is drawn:
1) Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
2) Toward the middle, you are a realist.
3) Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively.

1) Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates (birthdays, etc.)
2) Facing right, you are innovative and active, but don't have a strong sense of family, nor do you remember dates.
3) Facing front (looking at you), you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

1) With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.
2) With few details, you are emotional and naive, you care little about details and are a risk taker.

1) With less than 4 legs showing, you are insecure or are living through a period of major change.
2) With 4 legs showing, you are secure, stubborn, and stick to your ideals.

1) The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are. The bigger the better.

1) The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life! (Again, bigger is better...and what about those curls?!!)

[Trzbiatowski]

what i dont understand im not even in that game he cant do anything

[Trzbiatowski]

FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS - DO NOT CHEAT OR IT WON'T WORK OUT AND YOU WILL WISH YOU HADN'T!!

Take just three minutes and it will freak you out! The person who sent this said her wish came true ten minutes after they read the mail. BUT NO CHEATING!!

This game has a funny/creepy outcome - don't read ahead - just do it in order - it takes just three minutes and it is worth a try. Instructions:

First get a pen and paper
When you actually choose names, make sure they are people you actually know and go with your first instincts!
Scroll down - one line at a time - don't read ahead or you will ruin the fun!!
1. First write down the numbers 1 through to 11 in a column







2. Then beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.







3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex. Don't look ahead or it won't turn out right!!







4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family ......) in the 4th, 5th and 6th spots. Don't cheat or you'll be upset that you did!!







5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10 and 11.







6. Finally, make a wish.







And here is the key of the game:

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game
2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love
3. The person in 7 is one that you like but can't work out
4. You care most about the person you put in 4
5. The person in number 5 is the one who knows you very well 6. The person in 6 is your lucky star
7. The Song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3
8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7
9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about your mind 10. And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life

Send this to 10 people within the hour you read this. If you do your wish will come true. If you don't it will become the opposite.

Very strange but it seems to work!!

[jazzy]

Trzbiatowski
Consider joining spacetrace as a player you'll luv it !!!